Friday, May 24, 2013

A Plan for Me, Not We

Now that everything has changed, suddenly, I have to come up with a new life plan - or something I can plan for, hope for. A plan for me, not we.

But right now, I have a rough (very rough) 5 year plan. Goals that I can set myself, and hopefully achieve before my 30th birthday.

  1. Finish my move to Brisbane, into a share house. 
  2. Find a job in childcare industry, and get my Cert 3, or possibly my diploma. I have already partially completed my Cert 3 in high school, I just never got an opportunity to finish it. 
  3. Begin looking for nannying positions overseas - Europe, UK, USA, or Canada. 
  4. Go nannying overseas for 6 months/1 year. Maybe go for 6 months, home for 6 months, and go again for 6 months. 
  5. Come home. Get reestablished, find a home of my own. Get a job in the childcare industry. 
  6. And finally... have a baby. On my own. Yes, on my own, but ideally, in a co-parent situation. Or, look at fostering.

I know, I know, I don't know what is going to happen in the future. I might find an excellent man and get remarried. But I might not, and I need a plan if that doesn't happen. And to be brutally honest, I don't know if I want a long term relationship with a guy again, at right now, and possibly forever. I don't see myself ever not having men in my life (that is just my personality!), but not in a long term relationship type of way. Growing up, I always wanted a child more than a husband - it is just the way I am. Perhaps instead of forcing myself into a box, I need to look at options outside of it. And one of those options is (for all intents and purposes), to do it on my own. And if I think, and plan for it now, it means I have 5 years to plan, organise, think it through and financially stabilize myself so that my child/ren come into a world where they were not only desperately wanted, but planned and provided for.

I recognise that this plan is hard - and that being a single mother is hard. I recognise that it will bring its own challenges, prejudices and judgements. But nothing in life is guaranteed. I can't wait for that perfect (and frankly, unattainable) man, or postpone my plans, for possibly forever, just so I do it the way others think it should be done. Thankfully, I live in an era where I have the freedom to make another choice. That that choice even exists.

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, 
never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.  
~Flavia Weedn~


  1. I can relate to growing up and wanting a child more than a husband. Once my divorce is final (in early 2014), I am going to start planning to have a child on my own. Eventually I will start dating again, but I don't want to jump into a relationship again just so that I can be a mother.

  2. Hi there from ICLW! This is a fantastic list. One of the things that is so difficult with IF is that everyone (outside of IF) attempts to put people in a box. You're dating someone: "Oh, is it serious?" It gets serious: "Oh! When's the wedding?" You get married: "And? When's the baby coming?" Bleh, bleh. Good on you for thinking outside of that box and realizing anything that you choose for your life is OKAY!


  3. I am so happy that you are moving forward. I am sure that you will be a great mother and I think it is wonderful to start with that as your goal. Single mothers are wonderful... all a child needs is love... so stay outside of the box. It's a better view.

  4. Having a plan for the future is a wonderful thing. I know a group of wonderful women who are single mother's by choice and they are fabulous parents. I'm sure you can do the same.

    ICLW #30


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