4 weeks ago my carefully crafted world came down with crash. Or maybe it was a sigh. It is hard to tell.
Letting go of a marriage is hard work. Often we fight the inevitable, just to prove everyone else wrong. We hope that we are reading the signs wrong, that we are loved as much as we hope to be. That we are valued, even when in our hearts of hearts, we know that we are not.
Even now, I feel like I should protect him. Even though, at a certain point, he no longer did the same for me. Even though we both failed at our marriage in parts, I was the one whom had to walk away. Because ultimately, learning, growing and change are a good thing in your own life, and should happen in your marriage as well. If they don't, you have to work out why, and create healthy changes yourself. I have never been one to remain silent, and waiting for him to grow up wasn't something I was willing to wait for. Maybe that makes me a failure. But guess what? Unhealthy patterns continue, and I was worth more.
If a person cannot change, because they don't want to, then sometimes, it is better to let them go and wish them luck on their journey.
It has been 7 years full of every human emotion possible - and so, I now have to process it all, and yes, move on. Mourn for what I have lost, and laugh for what I have gained. Freedom is precious. I appreciate it in a new way. My marriage taught me a lot, but above all it taught me empathy - and to appreciate the gift of life and growth, in a way that I never could before.
My future is full of beautiful possibilities, and I am so thankful for the life that led me here. Right where I should be.